Sense & Sensitivity: Musings & Tips

Ever been called "too sensitive"?

I know I have! But, what does that even mean?

As a child it often meant to me, that when people would critique me, I wasn't allowed to have an emotional reaction -- being a man (boy) with a stiff upper lip and taking it. Or it meant that I would interpret sarcasm as insult, disinterest as rejection, disappointment in me as the end of the world. And sometimes, it was a clever way adults would try and hide their dirty laundry. For when I called them on it, I was told I was seeing things. Well, if that didn't make things more complex or interesting, I did actually see things... but that's a blog for another time.

Are we just wired this way?

Over 3 years now, 5 days a week, I have been counseling families with learning disabilities. Without fail, I have seen pretty much every body, when they get comfortable and at ease, suddenly and spontaneously share something they are quite sensitive about. I have also seen certain kids (there because they are identified as causing someone a problem) being hyper sensitive about many things. Modern science has identified some of this as being genetic (sensory integration issues since birth, etc.) and often times, I believe that temperamentally some of us are just more hyper-sense aware.

Lets not split hairs but lets be distinguished here...

My current view is that there is a distinct difference between being sense aware and sense reactive. I've noticed that what we often call "too sensitive" in that annoyed and judgy kinda way is what we mean as being easily reactive to what they interpret is going on. And when you throw in that reactivity -- from Buddhist and other spiritual traditions -- is all about illusion and how we perceive reality, this gives me a clearer sense of it. Being sense aware is my way of identifying a way of being alive in our bodies and aware of sensual experiences, even intense ones, with curiosity, and somehow an emotional equilibrium and grace. When I am noticing myself being sense reactive, I know it's time to stop raising a fuss, being a drama king, or trying to tune out from myself, but that I best be finding a responsible way to get in touch with my senses and through those emotional reactions.

Ok. Now what is possible when sensitivity matures and evolves?

This is what I imagine... Yeah... nice pic, eh? I like it a lot.

Want me to elaborate? I will when I get there myself. This is a blog about what I have imagined and actually experienced, right?

Ok. I am being somewhat coy. Don't take it personally, ok? (joke)

I have seen my sensitivity become an extraordinary gift in my work as a therapist and in directing live Playback performances. Being able to sense the inner workings of people across a crowded room and using that information to help them heal and grow is a tremendous rush beyond words. Rather than describing that too much, I'll be suggesting ways you can get there yourself.

This brings me to my favorite part of these posts...

How exactly do you deal with being so sensitive?


Below are suggestions, taken from personal experience (Try at your own peril : )...

1) Listen and respect your feelings ~ no matter how wacky they may seem. I know how easy it can be to react externally when we are convinced that we are being slighted, rejected, or some other negative perception hangs in our minds like persistent bad weather. Or we may go in and stew and mop about it. But, what if we actually listened and respected that feeling which feels too big, without all the drama? Easily said, much harder done. This is what Buddha was going for.

2) Laugh at yourself. Yes, we are all funny. Especially when we are being overly reactive to our sense of what is going on. Not convinced? Try and exagerate the last emotion you had that was negative... like when my friend was late and I was mildly annoyed and rushed... Now... imagine me on my knees lamenting the universe for my terrible disappointment and huffing and puffing to her about how I will never get those 12 minutes back, EVER!

3) Check out reality ~ it may not be what you expect. It's kinda self explanatory and simple yet something I hardly ever do. So, here I am telling you to do it! Ok, lets both try it. Next time, I get all flustered or hot and bothered about what someone did or didn't do, I will check with them to see if my assumptions and interpretations are correct. If that ain't possible, I will at least entertain that there may be more than one way to look at the situation.

4) Be kind to yourself. Whether in fact something bad is being done to you or your mind is in the past somewhere and you are imagining this happening again right now -- drop all the drama and cease planning your counter-attack... and do something simple... breathe a deep sigh... drink a glass of something delicious.... smell a flower... hold someone's hand... look at the sunset... feel your feet on the fresh grass or in some refreshing water.

5) Go and see some friends who will accept & respect you even if you were a poo head last week and are acting like a prickly pear right now. If you can't find any... I would suggest you spend some time when you are feeling better investing serious love & attention into this very important bank called true friendship. In the meantime, you can talk to God or angels or some other presence if you have the imagination. If all that fails, do the other 4 things I suggested.

Now, there is one more suggestion I have been holding back from you. My favorite one, actually, but I've been quite sensitive about sharing it... You see, I didn't want you to think I was trying to get you to go even though I really do want you to come... Then again, if I don't tell you about, how will you know and even have a choice, right? Boy, can I get all worked up here...

Ha ha ha! My own neurosis makes my laugh!

Ok. So, I would highly recommend -- if you as a fellow sensitive being (lets fess up here, you wouldn't have read this far if you weren't) are wanting some serious and high quality attention, love, and respect along with many doses of laughter, joy, and deep meaning -- you check out the Playback experience. It's a kind of theatre and community thing were people play back your stories. Yup. And it is the best example I have of sensitivity as a powerful force...when used in service of making people feel fully seen and heard.

In Toronto, where I reside, we meet once a month to study and practice Playback Theatre and to regularly nourish ourselves this way. We would love for you to join our Inspired Playback Labs and you can find out about that and other such events here.

In parting...

I say,


be sensitive...

to the most precious tender teeny weenie child inside you who feels everything
to the roaring call of adventure which will not leave you alone
to the spine trembling fears which tell you you are near
and to the vibrations of your deepest pleasure exclaimed

and then be sensitive to how we are all sooo sensitive as well....


Love and power to you,

David